What is Love? Part One.


Three times in the past, I had told a woman that I loved her. I was mistaken. Two of those women were my wives. I was married the first time in 1984. I was too young to understand anything about love, and I got my first divorce in 1988. I was married the second time in 1999, I thought I was old enough to love the woman, but I discovered that I didn’t love her and she left me, because of my stroke, in 2013. Both of my marriages ended tragically, but I did not have to pay any alimony as a result, which was very good for me. And in the end, while I didn’t come out ahead, I came out of my two failed marriages mostly intact, fortunately. The second time I told a woman that I had loved her, she was a girlfriend, in 1991. That was a good relationship, it ended amicably, in the end. We had eventually parted on good terms.

But I never understood a single thing about love, even though I am now Fifty-One years old. Is that a failing for me? Or is it the fact what many people call love, really isn’t love? This feeling that we call love could be just habituation.

Now, I have experienced tenderness, and some other fantastic emotions, and things that other people might call love. But I have never experienced the end-all, be-all, mind-numbing emotion for which I would live for and die for. And perhaps my conception of love is unrealistic, a pipe dream, an illusion that is better than life. But I don’t think so.

I think that most other people also do not understand love, but they think they understand love. And that is sad for them, because these other people have also never experienced love, but because I admit that I have never experienced love, I guess I could be ahead of the game.

Or not.

I think that my “habituation hypothesis” is a more accurate assessment of what people call love. We get used to a person, we learn the ways of the other person, and we “get in a rut” that we call love, but isn’t. We, essentially, get used to the other person, we overlook things that we would not tolerate except we are used to the other person’s shortcomings, and we eventually accept these facts because accepting these things is far more comfortable than if we leave the other person.

Again, I ask you, have you been in love? Or was it merely habituation?

 

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About Kevin Benko

I'm a fifty-something generic humanoid sack of water and meat.

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