Welcome to My Life: Part One

OK, I have previously pointed out that I am unemployable, and that I am currently on SSI/Disability. However, my SSI apparently runs out in November of 2016, if I am correct in my assumptions. Nevertheless, my SSI will stop at, or before, November 2016. And then I may be screwed.

Thus, I will be attempting to get a job. However, pre-stroke, it was easy for me to get hired. Throughout my pre-stroke life, I only went to a single job interview for every job in which I was hired. That is, I was, once upon a time, that good. I was hired by Sun Microsystems, when, in the interview, I intentionally said everything wrong. I said that I was not a team player, I didn’t work well with others, and I STILL GOT HIRED, and they moved me from Oregon to Colorado, they paid my hotel room for a month until I found a place to live, and they paid me a butt-load of money. And I had tried to not get hired. Post-stroke… well, I have to deal with employers like the rest of the people who need a job.

And I will not attempt to deceive anyone with respect to my “issues”. That seems to be my major obstacle– honesty. If I tell an employer that I have had a stroke, I don’t get hired, and if I don’t tell an employer that have had a stroke, then I feel guilty for not being forthcoming about my disability. However, when I go for a job interview, I will not point out my disability until, and unless I am officially hired, then I will “drop the bomb”. That still feels somewhat dishonest, but I think I must do this to protect myself and my interests.

However, in my current situation, I really only need to work 20 hours a week. And I think that some employers will appreciate that. Actually, I do not want to work more than 20 hours a week, for income tax reasons.

I resent paying income tax. See, once upon a time, I was working for Sun Microsystems, and my tax liability was huge, as my income was in the top ten percent in the United States. At that point, I had learned to hate the IRS, income taxes, and all that nonsense. And although I am now, essentially, dirt poor, I really do feel for the people who pay income tax.


This is all I will say about this for now.

So… what is my life like?

During the Spring, Summer, and early Autumn, I go for a walk every day, approximately three to five miles a day. On Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Independence Day, I walk to the VA hospital in Fargo, which is four miles one way, but I don’t go there in the most direct manner, thus I walk at least ten miles those days. After I get home, I take a nap. This is because I am dog tired after every walk due to a medication I take.

I go the supermarket two to three times a week, because I do not like to carry more than two bags of food from my car to my apartment. I do laundry once a month at seven AM, because I generally try to avoid people.

On the first day of every month, I go to Costco for cat litter and cat food. I buy a case of beer.I pay my rent in person. And I buy about 4-5 cigars.

I go to VA appointments when they happen, I go to “church” every month, I have a monthly meeting at a group called “Philosophy for All”, and that is the extent of things I do.

When I am at home, I read a book, I play with my cats, and I play games on my computer.

Yes, my life is probably boring for some of you. Nevertheless, I enjoy my life as it is.

However, I think that I have been isolating myself at least over the past five years, perhaps longer. Looking back at my pre-stroke life, I suspect that I have been isolated since about 1999. See, my pre-stroke memories are clearer for me than my post-stroke memories. And I think that my ex-wife tried to keep me away from my friends. And I think that may be “normal” behavior for a wife. Or at least my ex-wife.

However, I cannot make valid guesses on this matter, since my ex-wife is not willing to communicate with me, and if she was, she would most certainly become angry at my accusations.

So, my only option is for me to trust my instincts in this matter, and since these are pre-stroke memories, I trust them more than my post-stroke memories.

And, so, here I sit, needing a job by the first of November, at the latest, that requires exactly 20 hours a week, no more, no less. And with that income, I can continue living my life that is comfortable for me.

Wish me luck.



About Kevin Benko

I'm a fifty-something generic humanoid sack of water and meat.

One response to “Welcome to My Life: Part One”

  1. Sheri McMahon says :

    Kevin, one of these days you should accept my friend request on facebook, but anyway. . . regarding SSI, I did a bit of research, and I’m pretty sure what is going on is redetermination of financial eligibility. I hope you have also gone to the Social Security office, btw. SSI conducts a redetermination of financial eligibility every few years, because you just might have inherited all of Sun Microsystems assets and become a wealthy man. I’m pretty sure the notification of benefits ending in November just means that by that time they expect to have reached a determination of your income and assets. The flag was that, according to what you said, they did not consider your disability. I assume they have asked–or will ask–for financial documentation. Bottom line, if your disability has not changed and you have not acquired new sources of income or assets, the end result will be that you will be found eligible for SSI until the next time this comes around. And if they think you now own a gold mine you haven’t heard about, time to start checking unclaimed property sites on state government websites.

    If you had become ineligible, they would not keep paying you until November. –Sheri (from “church”)


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